My giant goes with me wherever I go

photo by Alexandra ValentiThis week I started a 4o day abundance journey to bring more opportunities for expansion into my life. About 10 other people are doing this work together, lead by Luke Simon, a healer who I worked with years ago at a yoga retreat. We have weekly calls to check in on our progress, but the daily work is done alone.

We’re working with “The Abundance Book” by John Randolph Price and asked to meditate on a Principle each day, really focusing on the idea that prosperity comes from the God within each of us, not money or outside approval or human-made constructs intended to make us feel less than or afraid. The idea that we are God and God is us, living within each of us, shining out from each of us, is not foreign to me. It rings absolutely true, so it is not a stretch to come to these meditations in a spirit of acceptance and belief.

I want to use this blog as a journal of my reactions to the daily Principles. It is interesting that, no matter how open-hearted we come to work like this, there are lingering blocks that point us to the shadows lurking within.

DAY 1

God is lavish, unfailing Abundance, the rich omnipresent substance of the Universe. This all-providing Source of infinite prosperity is individualized as me – the Reality of me.

“Lavish” brings to mind fin de siecle banquets and over the top wedding receptions and ennui. I think of it as wasteful and showy and not necessarily emotionally grounded, so I had an immediate reaction to the first sentence. I have never considered God as lavish, as overflowing or overabundant. My Protestant God values thrift and hard work for just what you need, no more. If you think you deserve more, you think too much of yourself. You think you are important, and that is wrong.

Remember that scene in “It’s A Wonderful Life” where the Savings & Loan customers are swarming around George Bailey, trying to get their money out during the run on the bank? And Tom wants ALL his money even though George pleads with everyone to only take what they absolutely need so his $2000 honeymoon fund can last until the bank opens? Tom, who wants his $242 and won’t settle for less, seems selfish and short sited, especially when Ms. Davis asks for only $17.50 and is hugged and kissed and celebrated for her selflessness. This is my God. My God expects me to be happy with $17.50, even though I have, and am entitled to, $242.

So the notion that God is lavish is hard for me to grasp. Why is that? I look at the beauty of nature and see lavish abundance everywhere. Sometimes the beauty is so overwhelming, so humbling, it is too much to take in. Is the difference because one is natural and one is material? That it comes down, in my brain, to human lavishness being all about what can be bought with human money vs natural lavishness being of God and therefore above money?

What if human lavishness is simply one of infinite giving? Like a buffet that provides everything you could ever want to eat or drink, forever? Imagine it is the provider’s sole purpose on earth to restock that buffet and so he/she does it without any doubt or boredom. Is it God’s purpose/our purpose to be that provider, that Source?

The thought that I, as the Source of that buffet… woah. That seems too much. How will I ever be able to be that unselfish? That giving? I can see myself as George Bailey with $2000 to share, but could I be the angel who gives everyone all the money all the time forever? Wouldn’t that get boring? Wouldn’t that reward selfishness? These are the thoughts I am having. They are giant and they don’t seem God-like at all.

DAY 2

I lift up my mind and heart to be aware, to understand, and to know that the Divine Presence I AM is the Source and Substance of all my good. 

Today’s Principle is easier for me to grasp. I am God and God is me and that God is the source of everything that is good about me — everything good that I do or think or feel comes from the God within. God made me in His image, so He must be as unique as I am. He must be as quirky as I am. As funny. As serious. I love that idea. That God isn’t one finite entity but an amalgam of all sorts of beings. There isn’t ONE Godly way to be because God is as different as each of us. When we are true to ourselves, we are true to God within us.

For the aforementioned Protestant, this is a lot to take in. Abundance seems quite cocky. Quite self-important. There are voices in my head telling me to hide these thoughts. That they are shameful and bad. Who do I think I am to put myself on par with God?

Well. I think I am a vessel for God and He made me perfect. He made me capable of giving with abundance (lavishly!) and receiving abundance with open arms and a shame-free heart. The title of this post is a favorite Emerson quote that helps me with this concept. My giant goes with me wherever I go is God both going with me and as me, always.

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