Three days and a skip

I am blogging about my 40-day abundance journey using the Prosperity Principles in “The Abundance Book” by John Randolph Price.

Day 11

God is lavish, unfailing abundance, the rich omnipresent substance of the universe. This all-providing source of infinite prosperity is individualized as me – the reality of me. 

Have you ever done an image search on “cosmos”? I did after meditating on today’s Principle and the results made me smile. I have a new respect for the guys who painted stars and swirling bits of constellations and perfect planets on the sides of their vans.

The substance of the universe are these swirling bits, and one the rare nights I have seen the Milkey Way, I’ve seen it. This substance is what makes up blades of grass and water droplets and crow’s feathers and me. We truly are all one, tied together by the cosmic substance that makes up the universe and everything in it.

Day 12

I lift up my mind and heart to be aware, to understand, and to know that the divine presence I am is the source and substance of all my good. 

I focused on the physicality of lifting my mind and heart yesterday. It is true that this work makes me feel expansive, with my chest actively opening up when I breathe in God. The act of lifting up, my eyes, my thoughts, my chest, makes things seem much clearer. I can see how awareness and understanding come out of this clarity.

I practiced this while riding the subway today and I could swear I saw farther down the car than is possible. Everything was perfectly clear and I saw people shine from the top of their heads. It was a far cry from the days when I shuddered to enter a train and felt hemmed in by bodies and souls each time I rode one.

Day 13

 I am conscious of the inner presence as my lavish abundance. I am conscious of the constant activity of this mind of infinite prosperity. Therefore, my consciousness is filled with the light of truth. 

Day 14

Through my consciousness of my God-self, the Christ within, as my source, I draw into my mind and feeling nature the very substance of Spirit. This substance is my supply, thus my consciousness of the presence of God within me is my supply.

After reading this a few times, I decided I could shorten it to “My consciousness of God within is my supply,” which makes for an easier statement to meditate on.

Yesterday I didn’t have a good afternoon or evening. I felt overwhelmed by the amount of things I had to do but had procrastinated throughout the day rather than being efficient and just getting on with it. I also ate sugar in the afternoon (Trader Joe’s fig bars) and the subsequent crash left me feeling empty and blasé. It felt like I put a heavy, wet blanket on God’s constant activity and the stillness left me feeling dislocated and lost. I was floating in gray aspic. I didn’t like it at all.

I haven’t been giving these meditations the attention they need over the last few days and I think that was the biggest contributor to my darkness. Like with the marathon training, I have to do my part so God can do his/hers. I have to do this work with clear eyes and a full heart, otherwise, it will be a blip in my life. I do not want that.

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God is grit

I am blogging about my 40-day abundance journey using the Prosperity Principles in “The Abundance Book” by John Randolph Price.

Day 8

My consciousness of the Spirit within me as my unlimited Source is the Divine Power to restore the years the locusts have eaten, to make all things new, to lift me up to the High Road of abundant prosperity. This awareness, understanding and knowledge of Spirit appears as every visible form and experience that I could possibly desire. 

“Restore the years the locusts have eaten” may be the most beautiful phrase I have ever read. It feels like that. When I lose hours to television, when I am actively not thinking/feeling/growing but instead choosing to numb myself, those are hours the locusts have eaten. When I give in to feelings of pity or envy and become a small, pointy version of myself, the locusts are eating minutes and hours of my life that are not coming back. What a waste!

While meditating on the Principles, I’ve noticed that I physically curl inward when my thoughts drift. The only way I know that is because when I refocus and breathe into the God within, my shoulders instantly drop back and my chin goes up and I feel more expansive. The shift is instantaneous, making the contrast between how I was holding myself (stiff, hunched shoulders, chin tucked, shallow breathes) that much more stark. The locusts are eating!

About the High Road of abundant prosperity:
There is definitely an element of feeling lifted up by this awareness – I certainly feel lighter when I am focused on Spirit and there is something ascendant about it, but I bristled a bit at the term “high road” as it has connotations of moral judgment and exclusion. But what is wrong with moral judgment? Certainly there is a definite high road/better way of being? A way that is understanding and inclusive and loving and hopeful and giving? A way where treating your neighbor as you would yourself is a positive thing. Why was my initial reaction to think that a message from Spirit should automatically apply to everyone? Why did I feel more comfortable with a road that is dirty and humble over a high road of abundance? That’s when I realized that I was making a distinction between accessibility and applicability. The high road of abundance should absolutely be accessible to all, and it is. But reaching that road isn’t easy. It isn’t instant. It takes work, which I am doing now and will probably continue doing forever. My steps toward knowledge, acceptance and understanding are allowing me to apply the Principles to my life. My steps, my work, is what is giving me access to the higher road.

This epiphany clears a quagmire I have been muddling through for the past few days and why I didn’t blog about days 6 and 7. I was struggling with the idea of being given everything I could ever desire. The way the Principles are worded, I read that God grants any wish I could ever have, but that just didn’t seem true. I used the NYC Marathon as an example. I won a place in the lottery last year and trained all summer to be able to run the race in November. I thought a lot about the long, hard, focused training period. I did that, God didn’t. I built my stamina, God didn’t. I ran five days a week, God didn’t.  If  I said, “Jesus take the wheel” and then gone to sleep for five months, I couldn’t have finished the race. It was really bugging me that the Principles (I thought) were pushing that idea of passively giving it up to God. Even today’s statement, “This awareness, understanding and knowledge of Spirit appears as every visible form and experience that I could possibly desire.” seemed quite passive. Quite spoiled.

But if God wasn’t intimately involved in my race, why did I look up, point up and say, “Thank you” when I crossed the finish line? Why was that one of the most emotional moments of my life? It was because God was inside me, helping me discover my willpower and toughness during training. He made sure my eyes were open to the beauty around me on my runs. He was the stranger in a truck, driving down a remote country road minutes after I had a spectacular fall, asking, “Are you alright?” And when I decided I’d finish my training run with my new cuts and bruises instead of getting a ride back to my car, God was that grit. God was the finish line and the work it took to get there.

The Principles aren’t saying every wish will be granted without work. We have to practice abundance every day to make it a reality in our lives and it is Spirit driving us to do that work.

Aloha and mahalo

I am blogging about my 40-day abundance journey using the Prosperity Principles in “The Abundance Book” by John Randolph Price.

Day 5

Money is not my supply. No person, place or condition is my supply. My awareness, understanding, and knowledge of the all-providing activity of the Divine Mind within me is my supply. My consciousness of this Truth is unlimited, therefore, my supply is unlimited. 

I spent a week on Kauai recently and loved it. By the end, I was picturing a life where I worked making kombucha smoothies at the Kukuiula Market, swam in the ocean, and read Tarot every day. Every time I take a vacation I do this – imagine living my life in a new place, doing things that I love without thought of making money. In my imagination, I never worry about paying rent because it, somehow, would all work out. Aloha and mahalo.

Today’s meditation brought this so much to mind. Since I am a freelancer, it is easy to get stressed out when I don’t know when my next job will come. I have three stages of panic that I typically go through:

Stage 1: I finish a job and feel free. “Now that I am not working all the time, I’ll go to museums and figure out how to finally sell my vintage clothing collection and exercise at 4pm, my favorite time to go to the gym!” I figure that I will have time to meditate and read my cards and relax into who I really am as I look for the next project.

 Stage 2: After a week of relaxing, I start to panic. What if I never work again? What if I’m no good? What if my references say awful things about me? The voices in my head start working overtime and I find myself trolling LinkedIn for jobs I do not want but think I could get.

Stage 3: The discomfort I feel when scrambling after scraps of my old way of being – a way of being that I consciously left behind – is overwhelming. I get instantly depressed and short of breath when I think about going backward; I can feel myself starting to shut down. Fortunately, since I started this work a year or so ago, I have been able to hit pause on that depression and listen for the prompts Spirit always sends. There is always another way, but sometimes it comes quietly.

This is what is so striking about my vacation self. The person I see, when I allow myself to dream, is someone who is untroubled by money because she has enough to get by. She doesn’t crave competition or others affirming her importance and she doesn’t crave the hustle. She is driven by passion but in a calm, confident way. She is enough and the world is enough. Like water seeking its own level, there is a balance there. This is truly what abundance looks like to me.

How amazing that I have been given previews of what life could feel like all the time, not just on vacation. If I take in how the Divine Mind is constantly providing a supply of everything that creates that balance, I realize I don’t need to be in the tropics to be in paradise. It is up to me to embrace that balance no matter where I am. If I approach my life confident that abundance is ever-present, it will become so, just like when I listen to prompts that Spirit sends instead of panicking and then opportunities arise. It isn’t that Spirit/God is sending opportunities when I am looking, it’s just that I am seeing opportunities that are always there.

My supply is unlimited. Aloha and mahalo.

Love enough to swim in

I am blogging about my 40-day abundance journey using the Prosperity Principles in “The Abundance Book” by John Randolph Price.

Day 4

Through my consciousness of my God-Self, the Christ within, as my Source, I draw into my mind and feeling nature the very substance of Spirit. This substance is my supply, thus my consciousness of the Presence of God within me is my supply.

I read this a few times and thought it was fairly straightforward: My awareness of the Source (cheese station) is the Thing (my capitalization) and the Thing is my supply for abundance.

Another way of saying it: My awareness that the cheese station is inside me, providing me with all the cheese I could ever want is what actually supplies me with the cheese.

But when I meditated on this, I quickly felt small again (this amount of love is too much!) so I pushed into that feeling to try to understand why. I have been using the cheese analogy because it is funny and light and safe (and I do love cheese), but it’s simply a cover for what I really want.

When it comes down to it, and I feel childish and needy for admitting this, I want:

  • To feel loved actively and consistently.
  • To feel important to others.
  • To feel considered by others.

Consistency was never something I had in my family. I remember a lot of drama as my parents struggled with their relationship to each other. My dad was both physically and emotionally distant and my mom was underwater much of the time. My brother and sister and I were raised to be independent and hardy types and teasing was often used as a tool to toughen us up. I hated being teased but had to suck it up, not cry and learn to either give it back or shake it off. We weren’t particularly kind to each other, so I grew up not knowing what kindness feels like. I knew I wanted it, but I couldn’t seem to manifest it in myself or others.

It’s interesting what skills you are sent out into the world with. I remember being possessive and then abruptly cutting friends off when they showed interest in anyone but me (particularly anyone new). This behavior ensured that my friends would distance themselves from me so I didn’t have to feel so hurt when they would, ultimately, leave. The sad thing is, I don’t know if anyone would have ever left on their own accord, had I been able to let my friendships develop organically.

Ultimately I didn’t think the love I gave was worth much and I couldn’t accept that I was much worth loving. It was a lose/lose and I am amazed I am still here.

When I write that I want to feel important and considered, it is both the giving and the receiving I want. I want friends and family to think of me and share that thought via a text or phone call or some tangible thing. I also want to recognize and accept the love they are already giving me. The fact is, I have friends who are active and I often let their texts go unanswered for days. Is this me retreating back to my feeling not worthy of love? Sabotaging the friendships I want so much? Excuse the language, but that shit is fucked up. I want to be considerate. I want to love my friends actively, not just when we are face to face but during the act of living and I want to feel loved by them too. That is what abundance would be to me — feeling like there was plenty of love for me. Enough to swim in. Enough love that I wouldn’t have to make due with $17.50.

When I allow myself to become very aware of Christ within as the source of all this love, I am filled with an expansive feeling of joy. It fills my chest. This must be the substance of Spirit. So this feeling is my supply of love — all the love I ever need. Enough to swim in. My God-Self is all the love I can give and receive. This will make me a better person. This will allow me to love better. This is inside me already!

God is the cheese station

I am blogging about my 40-day abundance journey using the Prosperity Principles in “The Abundance Book” by John Randolph Price.

Day 3

I am conscious of the Inner Presence as my lavish Abundance. I am conscious of the constant activity of this Mind of infinite Prosperity. Therefore, my consciousness is filled with the Light of Truth. 

SIDEBAR: The arbitrary capitalization of words within the Principles bugs me. I want a style guide to understand why “Mind” is capitalized but “infinite” isn’t.

food-station-ideas-01a_detailBuilding on yesterday’s analogy, that lavish abundance is like a never ending buffet of everything that one could ever want, the idea that God within is actually that buffet, not necessarily the supplier of it, but actually it, doesn’t seem so far off. God is not in charge of restocking the cheese station like a caterer at a wedding, God is the cheese station. Oh, I love that. The God within is my buffet, supplying me everything I want and need, always.

But then it goes one step further: “I am conscious of the constant activity of this Mind of infinite Prosperity.”  This makes me think that God is aways working for, thinking about and anticipating my needs. Wow. This makes me feel selfish. God has better things to do than that! It is one thing to be the provider, but quite another to be actively thinking of my needs, all the time. No one does that. Not all the time.

This process is so humbling. This historical idea that we (humans) are servants of God (creator) is flipped on its head when I think that, in this context, God is a servant of me. I half expect fire and brimstone to fly out of the keyboard as I even type that. So blasphemous.

Is this the Light of Truth? That God serves me? God provides everything I could ever need, all the time, without end, without expectation? And if God is me and I am God, do I have this capacity too?

My mind is blowing up. I love this work.